The Dark Bible: Violence, Contradictions, Bad Science, The Jesus Myth

The Bible, that ancient tome venerated by millions as the word of God, has long been a source of fervent devotion and fierce debate. While the faithful hold it aloft as a beacon of divine wisdom, the truth is that it is filled with violence, contradictions, inconsistencies, and an ample lack of evidence for a historical Jesus. It is a mosaic of human creation, comprised of diverse books from different authors across centuries. The inescapable result of this hodgepodge of literary efforts is a patchwork quilt of moral, theological, and narrative discord.

In this article, I present overwhelming evidence that makes this historical book no more legitimate than a Mother Goose fable, horrifically violent, and more absurd than the notion of the flat earth. 

Violence in the Bible

The Killing of Children: Jehovah is a big fan of killing children through his many Old Testament genocides. Christians like to think Jehovah has changed his ways since the Old Testament but fail to notice the Hell that awaits billions of unbaptized children. A few examples of Jehovah's infanticidal antics are:

"With you I will shatter men and women, old people and children, young men and maidens."
— Jeremiah 51:20-26

"And at midnight the LORD killed all the firstborn sons in the land of Egypt."
— Exodus 12:29-30

"Your children will die at birth or perish in the womb or never even be conceived."
— Hosea 9:11-16

"I will release wild animals that will kill your children and destroy your cattle."

— Leviticus 26:21-22

Joshua's Holy Genocide: The book of Joshua describes the Israelites' divinely sanctioned bloodlust as they carved their way through Canaan, slaughtering the inhabitants with God's ostensible blessing.

Isaac's Near-Sacrifice: In a shocking test of obedience, God orders Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac, only to withdraw the command at the last moment. The moral quandary this presents is staggering.

Sodom and Gomorrah's Fiery Demise: God's penchant for the theatrical reaches a crescendo as He decides to rain fire and brimstone upon two sinful cities, incinerating the inhabitants in a divine barbecue.

The Plagues of Egypt: The Exodus narrative recounts ten plagues that struck Egypt, causing immense suffering and death among its population, including killing the firstborn.

Inconsistencies and Contradictions

Two Tales of Creation: Genesis offers not one but two creation accounts. One says humans were created after animals, while the other claims we preceded them. Which is it?

Muddled Genealogies: The Bible's genealogies are a genealogist's nightmare. They are a maze of contradictions, making it impossible to trace a linear history from Adam to Jesus.

Theological Incongruities: Disparate books within the Bible often present conflicting theological views, with divergent portrayals of God's nature and intentions.

Inconsistent Moral Guidance: The Bible sometimes offers conflicting moral guidance, with one passage advocating love and compassion, while another endorses violence and punishment.

Jaw-Dropping Pseudoscience

• Cosmology and the Geocentric Universe

Ah, the Bible's audacious claim that the Earth is the gravitational nucleus of the universe, with celestial bodies obediently circling our planet. This geocentric absurdity, as evident in passages like Joshua 10:12-13, narrating the sun's curious halt, is the stuff of ancient superstition. The Earth does not command the cosmos, and modern astronomy long ago consigned this notion to the annals of discredited dogma.

• Creationism and Young Earth Beliefs

Behold the stubborn persistence of biblical literalism, which propounds a tender age for our planet, a mere speck in the vast cosmos. The assertion that Earth is a juvenile 6,000 to 10,000 years old clashes spectacularly with the mountainous body of scientific evidence that supports an Earth aged at 4.5 billion years. Creationist dogma, with its six-day creation tale, dances gleefully in the land of pseudoscience, stubbornly ignoring the empirical ocean of geological knowledge.

• Noah's Ark and a Global Flood

Let us not forget the colossal deluge, the magnum opus of divine destruction in the Bible—the Noah's Ark saga. This tale of global inundation, repopulation, and a massive wooden vessel accommodating a menagerie of Earth's creatures defies scientific scrutiny and rationality. The global flood myth, rooted in earlier Mesopotamian stories, belongs to the realm of religious mythos, not geohydrology.

Picture a massive, seafaring menagerie consisting of all the Earth's creatures, from the docile lamb to the ferocious lion. According to this yarn, predators and prey were meant to cohabitate peacefully in this floating circus. Now, try to envision the logistics of this preposterous endeavor. Lions, which are not known for their vegetarian inclinations, somehow refrained from making meals of their fellow passengers. Hippos, renowned for their cantankerousness, apparently put aside their temperament for the journey. The absurdity is staggering.

Like so many others, Noah's Ark is tale is a testament to the remarkable suspension of reason that religious faith can inspire. It may make for a compelling Sunday school story, but it crumbles under the slightest scrutiny in the light of reason and evidence.

• Medicine and Dietary Practices

Within the Bible's hallowed pages, curious medical remedies and dietary directives abound. Leviticus 11 provides an eclectic list of clean and unclean animals, possibly serving more as a religious dietary code than as a repository of nutritional wisdom. These quaint instructions may have historical significance, but they offer little guidance in our pursuit of medical enlightenment.

• Miracles and Supernatural Phenomena

The Bible revels in a carnival of miracles and supernatural phenomena—resurrections, healings, and angelic apparitions aplenty. These biblical wonders, though foundational to religious faith, operate beyond the scientific compass. Empirical evidence eludes such divine theatrics, relegating them to the realm of faith, not science.

The Absence of Evidence for a Historical Jesus

Contemporary Historical Records: Despite the widespread impact that Jesus is said to have had on the region, there are no contemporary historical records from the 1st century that directly mention him. This absence of contemporary accounts raises questions about the reliability of later accounts.

Secular Historical Sources: Prominent historians of the time, such as Josephus and Tacitus, did not mention Jesus in their writings. Although there are disputed references to Jesus in the works of Josephus, their authenticity remains a subject of debate among scholars.

Silence in Roman Records: The Roman Empire maintained extensive records of various events and individuals during the period when Jesus is said to have lived. However, there is no mention of Jesus or the events surrounding his life in these records.

Absence of Archaeological Evidence: Despite extensive archaeological excavations in the region, there is no concrete archaeological evidence that directly corroborates the life and activities of Jesus, such as inscriptions or artifacts directly linked to him.

Inconsistencies in Gospel Accounts: The four Gospels in the New Testament, the primary sources for information about Jesus, contain differences and contradictions in their narratives about his life, raising questions about their historical accuracy.

Reliance on Oral Tradition: The Gospels were written several decades after the events they describe, and during that time, they relied on oral tradition for the transmission of stories about Jesus. This raises concerns about potential embellishments and changes in the narratives over time.

Similarities to Other Religious Figures: Some critics argue that the story of Jesus bears similarities to earlier religious figures and myths, leading to the possibility that aspects of his story were influenced by existing mythologies.

Varied Interpretations of "Jesus": Scholars and theologians have interpreted the character of Jesus in various ways, ranging from a purely historical figure to a mythological or symbolic one. The diversity of interpretations underscores the challenges in establishing a definitive historical account.

Jesus, the Celestial Zombie

I know this point pisses off the faithful, but it's technically accurate to suggest Jesus is a celestial zombie. Although he wasn't lifeless or apathetic, or lacking in judgment, he was reanimated and walked out of a grave along with the rest of the town's of zombies:

The tombs were opened, and many bodies of the saints (God's people) who had fallen asleep [in death] were raised [to life]; and coming out of the tombs after His resurrection, they entered the holy city (Jerusalem) and appeared to many people.

— Matthew 27:52-53

In Closing

As you can see, the Bible is not what Christians pretend it is. You would have to be under a spell to not see what is "actually there" in print. And this, my friends, is why religion is dangerous, especially in the hands of those government officials making policy decisions.

Armageddon would not exist without the fictional narrative of this absurd book. I believe the Apocalypse is a script being played out by the alpha monkeys at the top of the food chain. They have the technology to fool the public (weather warfare, UFOs), just like they had the cunning wit to invent Christianity.

It's time humans grow up and take responsibility for society and the planet. Instead of projecting good and evil (psychological shadow) onto invisible Mother Goose characters, humanity must "own" their ethical and immoral urges rooted in their primate genes. Who knows, some epigenetic factors may jumpstart a decent, intelligent, global society.

I'd throw my chips on the "unlikely" option if I was a betting man.

— Zzenn